Feb 21, 2013 - Issue 505

Just Ask That Elephant with Lipstick a Few Questions

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There are those few combustible topics within society which, in all actuality are Litmus tests, inquiries which determine “who and what” we are. So when I say “Republican,” most people envision a somewhat racist, sexist and elitist White guy, no?

The everyday, run-of-the-mill, rank n’ file Republican despises President Obama, believes his “little lady” is far too emotional to have sole, absolute control over her internal baby-making machine, and as a Republican he touts the cutthroat “survival-of-the-fittest” economic mentality of Laissez Faire Capitalism - Trickle Down Economics, “I got mine... you get yours.”

That rugged individualism mindset of “Everyman for himself, I am not my brother’s keeper.” flies-in the face of and contradicts the very word “civilization.”

When I say “Republican,” we all understand “their” god is a Nordic Viking guy, whose penis is bigger than your god’s. And if he’s a Thurston Howell III Republican, than God is money, and Money is God. This is what the “Right” is today in America, a Herman Cain’s ‘If you ain’t Rich, blame yourself!” USA.

Yes, it’s the obvious which makes this current attempt by the Republican TEA Party to redefine itself hysterical, screw laughable. This struggle to figure out a clever way to mask and camouflage their fear, paranoia and basic hatred of Blacks, Latinos, Asians and all the flavors in between, in order to attract Americans Of Color to the GOP. is a waste of their time.

There’s not much these boys can do to change their tarnished image and reputation, and my thought is, all you’ve got to do is ask a Republican a few questions to ascertain who and what you’re dealing with. That’s right, just ask that elephant with lipstick on a few questions...

Who’s the hero here; Huey P. Newton and the Black Panther Party or the infamous FBI head J. Edgar Hoover; If you see Huey as a urban terrorist and Hoover as a “guardian of America” then you must be a Republican.

What organization do you respect more, the United Nations or the Alabama Republican TEA Party? It seems “conservatives” both dislike and fear the world’s population, i.e., the UN. A realistic Republican recognizes that European Colonialism left a bad taste in the mouths of its former colonial subjects, whereas Republicans cheer Re-Segregationists like the TEA Party for organizing secessionist movements.

White folks have pimped n’ exploited...well just about everybody. So today they sit justifiably paranoid that the “chickens may come home to roost.” If you can’t see the commonalities between the TEA Party and the White Citizens Councils of the 1950’s and 60’s, then you must be a Republican.

In the battle to influence and brand US pop culture, who are the legit kings n’ Queens of American Music; Elvis: Pat Boone, the Beatles and the Osmonds or James Brown, Aretha Franklin, Jackie Wilson, the Isley Brothers, Al Green and The Jackson Five. Now, despite this one being a no-brainer, most republicans would argue for the cats like Boone and the Osmonds who were clear, indisputable pale facsimiles of the real thing. That speaks to the Great White Hope syndrome and the shoving of pretenders upon the people.

Everyone doesn’t like their coffee weak, watered down with too much cream... Some like it Black and strong.

Should Blacks, Native Americans and Latinos “Celebrate” Independence Day, Flag Day or Columbus Day? If you do, I’d tend to regard you as a Republican. Ol’ Glory flew over plantations, segregated public schools and buildings that had signs out-front stating “No Dogs/No Mexicans.” The Stars n’ Bars justified Indian Reservations and Japanese-American Prison Camps. The flag, like Mount Rushmore and the Star Spangled banner represents a collection of contradictions. If you’re a “Blind Patriot” then you must be a Republican.

If, as an American, you can minimize the ruthless creation of the American Empire, the land forcibly taken from Red and Brown people and then Blacks forced to lay the foundation, the cornerstones of what is touted as the most-advanced form of human civilization today, you must be a Republican.

If you can dare demand some twisted form of blind absolute “patriotism” by Americans of color - the folks who were pimped, exploited and brutalized - then you must be a Republican.

And speaking of Great White Hopes, if I ask you why they are so few Black Quarterbacks and Head Coaches in the NFL, and you tell me it’s anything but the tactical discriminatory exclusion of Blacks then I’d argue you must be a Republican.

Bird’s Boston Celtics rivalry with Magic’s LA Lakers: if you can’t confess this era of basketball exemplified and personified the racism which is embedded in US popular culture, then you must be a Republican. Furthermore, if you can’t admit this black team/White team rivalry saved the NBA because it gave White guys a player, a team and a town to cheer for, you must be on the “Right.”

If you think Beyonce is fat... I’d subjectively submit you’re a Republican, a White guy who only has one standard for beauty - one who questions his sexual abilities to satisfy a curvaceous creature and prefers a lover who resembles Peter Pan. OK, that’s kinda’ locker-room hard, but if you’re instincts reject this bronzed Goddess I’d say you’ve been brainwashed by the White establishment Rush Limbaugh speaks for.

Was Rodney King a victim of LAPD police brutality? If this is a debatable debacle to you, you must be a Republican. And let’s take this one step-further: if you dismiss the charges of racism revenge-seeking Chris Donner leveled, and you believe brutality is not a staple of the LAPD, nor departments across the land from Fargo to Key Largo... then you must be a Republican.

Do you have the right to own a Bazooka? Only those on the Right want one.

Is there something wrong with a nation where dogs and cats have health insurance and little boys n’ girls don’t? If you don’t believe this is an atrocity, you must be a Conservative. That’s right, Republicans believe health care should be a profit driven industry - as is clean air, water, heat for your home all the needs.

Your perspectives and opinions determine who and what you are. It’s that simple.

This is but a sampling of the obvious questions, which when answered by Americans illustrate, in vivid stark Black n’ white, that we’re a split, divided house, Republicans on one side - everybody else on the other side. The GOP can attempt to put crimson-colored lipstick on a Confederate-grey elephant and dress themselves up as being compassionate neanderthals, but it won’t work.

Their convenient enlightenment and token inclusionary gestures are merely about divide n’ conquer.

Last year, the GOP advocated erecting an electrified 30 ft. fence with a shark infested moat and gun turrets along the Southern border; now, after the ass-kicking Republicans took at the polls, and the obvious browning of America, these weasels are all speaking Spanish, telling you how much they love sopapilla’s and Menudo.

Ain’t that a Puta?

However, Conservatives still hate the savage Negroes, White women who won’t remain barefoot, and pregnant, all Muslims, and they don’t trust Asians because they don’t know their place... but the Mexicans can stay, they just can’t vote or join a labor union... Who buys this?

I don’t care what these good ol’ boys do, but a Redneck is a Conservative is a Republican is a TEA Partier is a racist, sexist and elitist ass.

But let’s wrap this up on a higher note - here’s the best question to decipher who exactly it is you’re talking to: Sioux War Chief Crazy Horse and General George Armstrong Custer, 7th Cavalry, US Army - Who’s the terrorist, who’s the freedom fighter...?

This weekend, for cocktail conversation ask a couple of these questions. Anyone’s answer speaks World Book Encyclopedia Volumes about that individual. Ask a few before you marry someone, their answers might matter in the long run.

BlackCommentator.com Columnist, Desi Cortez, was hatched in the heart of Dixie, circa 1961, at the dawning of the age of Aquarius, the by-product of four dynamic individuals, Raised in South-Central LA, the 213, at age 14 transplanted to the base of the Rockies, Denver. Still a Mile-Hi. Sat at the feet of scholars for many, many moons, emerging with a desire and direction… if not a sheep-skin. "Meandered thru life; gone a-lot places, done a-lot of things, raised a man-cub into a good, strong man, produced a beautiful baby-girl with my lover/woman/soul-mate… aired my mind on the airwaves and wrote some stuff along the way." Click here to contact Mr. Cortez.