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Est. April 5, 2002
Apr 16, 2020 - Issue 814
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God, Please Protect Me
Your Followers . . .!


"Send me $20.00,
and I’ll send you,
absolutely free,
a touch from God!"

Since I was knee-high to a grasshopper I’ve always been skeptical and suspicious of “religious” folks; their small, simple-minded arrogance, the extremely judgmental mentality most seem to possess, their rigid intellectual inflexibility, their endless phobias of folks not like them, the denial of science and logic along with their inability to critically think and reason . . . has always both amused and disgusted me. “Primitive” if not “ancient” thinking is the word which comes to mind, sorry, I’m just being honest. The list of atrocities committed in America in the name of “God” is long and bloody - “bible in one hand, gun in the other:” from colonial imperialism, genocide and slavery to Klan lynchings and church bombings - all done in the name of “Jesus Christ'' or some other superman. Note I said “man” - I bet the supreme being doesn't have a penis.

These “bible-thumpers” are so-very arrogant in their ignorance.

Now, noting my distaste for “man-made” religion, I’m struggling trying to stomach the antics of some religious fanatics, considering the dangerous environment we’re confronted with today - an entire planet at the mercy-of a pandemic which the medical community can’t find a vaccine nor antidote fast enough for, but yet the religious extremist refuse to heed to the doctor’s recommendations because they believe they’re “bathed in the blood of baby Jesus” and thus they can’t succumb to the Corona-virus while seeming oblivious to the fact if they do have the virus they can give it to those of us who didn’t bathe in Jesus's blood. And I don’t know who perplexes me more: the flock of sheep or their sheepherders. Those men and women of the cashmere and silk cloth who claim to have two-way conversations, Face time with God like you and I talk to our neighbors. I’m appalled at the parents who don’t utilize the good medical sense God gave doctors to treat us, and instead allow their children to suffer and sometimes die without 21st century medical care.

I believe, having broken-bread and chewed-the-fat with many a minister in my half-century of life - Black and White, Lutheran, Islam, Southern Baptist - you name it, I see far-too many of these “middle-men” as mostly “hustlers.” If Trump wasn’t the illegit President of these no longer seriously considered to be “United” States of America - he’d make one-hell-of a mega-church preacher. Matter-of-factually he’s got, dig this - “prosperity preachers” all around him, like Jerry Falwell's boy, who at Liberty University is sacrificing young folks at the altar of “obscene” profits. I’m sorry if it offends anyone, but I swear to the Gods above - it’s a thin, thin, thin-ass line between pimping and preaching.

The common thread I encounter with religious fanatics and zealots, beyond the ‘holier-than-thou ``''I’m gonna pray for you brother” is their undeniable love affair with money, cold cash, materialism, i.e., this notion of God wants you to be filthy rich. I just don’t buy it. I figure if Jesus were alive in the 1970’s he would have driven a Ford Pinto or Maverick, perhaps a Chevy Vega, but not a top of the line BMW or Caddy. He’d have shopped at the ARCH store or Salvation Army store, not on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills as Trump’s boy, and I do mean “boy” Darrell “pimps up/Hoes down” Scott does. 1930’s radio evangelist

Pastor Jamal Bryant of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Stonecrest, Georgia was hoping to charge $150 a person at a two-day drive-thru event for Corona-virus testing at his mega-church, but shelter-in-place orders and public scrutiny shut it down - “pimpin’ ain't easy! Or longtime televangelist Kenneth Copeland is claiming he has the touch from God and he can “blow the virus away” through the TV . . .. You can’t make this snake charmer BS up, seriously, this puts Daddy Grace, Father Charles Coughin and Reverend Ike to shame. What’s more ridiculous are the “little people,” the unwashed masses who buy into this insanity - God, please, please, please protect me from these folks - your followers!

Send me $20.00, and I’ll send you, absolutely free, a touch from God!

I guarantee you pimp-ish preachers are still gathering their flocks, from down in the “Land of Dixie” to the Big Apple to Chi-town to LA are still, of-course, passing the plate - they got mortgages to meet on their mini-mansions, diamonds to pay for, furs that need grooming, or whatever the hell it is you do with a fur coat.

I’m not here to pull any punches, and I refuse to treat religious folks as untouchable and above ridicule merely because they keep a bible on the front seat of the Benz and quote scripture constantly. I seem to encounter so many “Holy-Rollers” who were way, way . . . way over on one side of the scale - party-party people who had no restraint, no governor, couldn't have 1 or 2 cocktails, instead they had 13 - nevertheless today they ridicule and condemn those who can have a couple of glasses of wine at dinner, a few beers at the sports bar or backyard barbecue, who wear lipstick or go to the movies. It’s so damn childish and simple-minded. They were up in da’ club 6 nights a week, impulsive and compulsive - lacking any real self-control. Now there in church 6 days a week - and criticizing you, frowning upon any pleasure outside the church, praying for you if you don’t join them. Their church meetings are little more than money making pyramid schemes, con-men who “eat n’ meet,” “wine n’ dine” and crown each-other with hi-fault in' titles like ‘grand pooh-bah” of this n’ that. They hit the chitlin circuit, going from church to church, “healing the sick and’ raising the dead” - for a price, it’s pathetic. Pimping and exporting the naive, weak, feeble, old and sick at every turn, playing and preying-upon folks inherent fears.

Sure, of course there are good, decent moralistic and ethical preachers, but I’d contend for every good one, you’ve got more than a few bad ones. Yes, just as there’s bad cops, teachers, doctors . . . there’s bad pastors. Amen brother!

What baffles me about the rank n’ file religious nuts who foot their minister’s Range Rover car payment is their obvious lack-of research, scrutiny and religious exploration - they didn’t listen to Smokey Robinson’s mamma and “shop-around,'' instead they adopt and embrace whatever denomination their parents were, as opposed to going out into the big wide-world and researching and examining the different religions of the world, taking a class or two on the “Religions of the world” and then calculating that Methodism or Catholicism makes the most sense to them. No, they are ‘Pentecostal” because they were born into it, married into it or it’s the most popular church in town.. Then they go around weighing and measuring people, passing some uninformed judgment on others, Please!

I want both my children to find a belief system which makes sense to them, not to me or their mother. It’s their personal journey for truth and light. I don’t want to brainwash them, because I don’t know, just as no one knows - there's a huge difference between “belief’ and “Knowledge.”

I’m a theist, believing in spirituality - there exist a supreme being, be it God, Buddha, Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh- whomever - I can’t look at humanity and the all-so-very complicated world around us and not conclude it is all “intelligently designed.” I hit my knees every single night and ask for guidance and blessing, but I refuse to engage in this argument surrounding whose deity is the “one n’ only,” the sole almighty - it’s a unanswerable debate between pompous fools.

There’s not a church in this nation which must congregate on Easter Sunday, not a one, but we all know they’ll be more than a handful who will . . . individuals can worship and praise their savior without their fellow parishioners or their pastor, you come in this world alone and you go out alone. Yet I know these pastors will always pass the collection plate. It’s both disgusting and trifling.

God, please protect me from your followers!!! Columnist, Desi Cortez, who also writes for &, was hatched in the heart of Dixie, circa 1961, at the dawning of the age of Aquarius, the by-product of four dynamic individuals, Raised in South-Central LA, the 213. At age 14 transplanted to the base of the Rockies, Denver. Still a Mile-Hi. Sat at the foot of scholars for many, many moons, emerging with a desire and direction… if not a sheep-skin. Meandered thru life; gone a-lot places, done a-lot of things, raised a man-cub into an officer n' gentleman, a "man's man." Produced a beautiful baby-girl with my lover/woman/soul-mate… aired my "little" mind on the airwaves and wrote some stuff along the way. Wordsmith behind America's Ten Months Pregnant . . . Ready To Blow!: Even Trump Can't "Make America White Again." A New, More Inclusive, Diverse 21st Century America - Love It . . . Or Get The Hell Out!Contact Mr. Cortez and BC.

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