Complaining is something that we indulge in a lot. Way too much. In some countries, it’s akin to a national hobby.

I’m not sure why we do it. Has complaining about something ever actually changed that thing? No. So what’s the point?

Well, it’s a good question to ask. Why do you complain? I can tell you. We complain when we feel powerless. When we complain, what we are really saying is “I can’t do anything about this, so I’m going to whine and moan and bitch”. What you’re really saying is “I have no power to make a difference here”. And when it comes down to it, what you are really truly saying is “I’m a victim”.

Notice that Nelson Mandela was not famous for his complaining. I don’t recall hearing Martin Luther King moaning either. How about Viktor Frankl, holed up in a concentration camp? Nope, no complaints. Surely, those people should have had more reason than most to complain, but they didn’t. They saw what was going on, they knew what they wanted, and they set out to focus on getting the result and experience they wanted. That’s it.

There really is no need to complain. What is, is. The question is “what’s next? what can I create”. Note, I didn’t say “How can I react?”. Because reacting is more of the victimhood. The focus needs to be on what you want and how can you have that come to fruition.

Let me give you a silly example – because I like to break things down so we can see our own absurdity. If I gave you a plate with 5 cupcakes on it, and said “we need 10 cupcakes”, would you complain that there aren’t enough cupcakes or sit and muse over why there aren’t 10 and how unfair that is and how you wish it wasn’t that way? Or would you just go and buy or bake 5 more? I’m sure you’d do the latter, right?

So, your life is the same way… If you don’t have something, just create it. And I’m not talking about things, but experience too. If you are not happy right now, you can create happiness! Right now in this moment!

Sometimes we need to let off steam and vent. That’s natural and normal. But chronic complaining is a different matter.

Believing that our circumstances need to shift in order for us to stop complaining is also a fallacy. I’m sure you know of people who always find something to moan about regardless of where they are. It’s not their circumstances causing that, it is that who they believe themselves to be is a victim.

You’re not a victim. Stop telling the universe (and yourself and others) that you are.

BlackCommentator.com Editorial Board member Lola Adesioye is a, writer, socio-political thought leader and, activist. Her grandfather was one of the forefathers of journalism in Nigeria. She holds a master’s degree in Social & Political Science from Cambridge University. Lola’s writing covers topics such as race and African-American culture from a black British perspective, American politics, music, women’s issues and travel. . Her blog is lolaadesioye.com.  She writes a weekly column for The Guardian Online. You can also visit her on twitter, facebook and youtube. Click here to contact Ms. Adesioye.