The Black Commentator - Beneath The Spin: Til Death Do Us Part?

It may be the result of living in Nashville too long but this morning while while listening to early NPR reports about the latest U.S. bombings in Somalia, more death and mayhem in Iraq and President Bush’s “new way forward” (more troops and money) , I found myself humming lyrics from Tammy Wynette’s blockbuster hit from the 60’s: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Although never much of a country music fan, I always appreciated clever lyrics and even remember getting weepy at the idea of spelling out words like c-u-s-t-o-d-y in front of a child so as not to burden him or her with worry over his or her parents' painful separation.

Not the same weepy as when someone mentions d-e-f-i-c-i-t or w-a-r p-r-o-f-i-t-s, but weepy nonetheless.

According to recent studies and marriage experts, one of every two marriages ends in divorce and the primary reasons for the break ups are money and sex. In my grandparents generation, unhappy or not, people stayed together. Nowadays, counseling is highly recommended for most couples on the brink of divorce, but the statistics suggest it is not enough to convince most people to stick it out. The ugly truth is that often the ‘self’ people present to their intended isn’t necessarily reflective of who they really are. Any many of the promises made in the blush of romance end up being holographic distortions that seduce and distract the other person from their flaws.

Recently, I’ve begun to think about the similarities between marriages gone bad and the violated contract between Mr. Bush and his collective spouse; the citizen body of the United States.

Even though, to some, this was an arranged marriage, as all marriages do, the Bush presidency began with oodles of pre-nuptial promises. After lots of campaign dates, flowery prose (in this case, not so flowery) and commandeering enough votes to get a parking space at 1600 Pennsylvania, Bush for all intents and purposes, publicly swore to love, honor and obey us all. According to the Bush/Cheney 2000 campaign, he vowed “to make health insurance affordable for hard-working, low-income families" and “to ensure that the federal government,--which is the country's largest polluter--comply with all environmental laws."

After Bush’s first two years in office the number of uninsured Americans increased by almost four million and during 2000-2003, the Department of Defense requested that Congress exempt it from environmental laws and regulations like the Clean Air Act of 1970.

Before the “wedding” Bush swore "to restore confidence in government” by attacking “pork-barrel spending." Anyone out there feeling a little bloated? And here’s one of the pre-marriage pledges we all remember: Bush swore “income tax cuts will benefit all Americans, but they are especially focused on low and moderate income families."

Oops! According to a 2004 report by the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, millionaires received an average tax cut of $123,000. Those in the second to bottom quintile received an average cut of $317.Those in the bottom quintile of earners received an average tax cut of $27.

But of all the promises made, this one is the most difficult to swallow on a daily basis. The promise that Mr. Bush will…”pay the debt down to a historically low level."

The “historical” part is correct. As of a few minutes ago, the national debt is at a historically ‘high’ of $8,654,724,515,604.000. While most people are hard pressed to read numbers that go that high, to simplify things, since September 29, 2006, the National Debt has continued to increase an average of $1.70 billion per day. As a taxpayer, my family's share of that debt comes out to be about $137,000 (and growing as I write this).

In traditional marriages, studies have shown money is key to any relationship. And now, if one party turns out to be fiscally irresponsible and threatens the security of the family, this is generally viewed as a legitimate reason for the dissolution of the marriage--if no corrective measures are taken on the part of the offender.

Other factors include infidelity, substance and/or physical abuse and alienation of affection.

Would eradicating civil liberties and promoting torture in secret prisons qualify as physical abuse?

And what about alienation of affection? Would squandering the good will (whatever is left) from our neighbors and allies around the globe in exchange for favors among fat cat corporate interests be grounds for d-i-v-o-r-c-e?

How much abuse does one endure in a relationship before throwing in the towel and holding the other person accountable?

In the last several months Mr. Bush dragged the entire country through a game of charades. Vowing he had learned an autocratic lesson which cost the country dearly, he pretended to solicit and listen to the expertise of a prestigious bi-partisan commission of notables who were assigned with analyzing the Iraq situation and charting a new course.

Instead of heeding the advice of the panel--which among other things called for a reduction in troups--Bush’s rejected their expertise in favor of his own wisdom and plans to infuse more cash and troops--rationalizing that somehow more money and lives will quell sectarian violence. And the deficit continues to climb.

Several years ago a woman I knew was struggling in a severely abusive relationship that lingered more years than anyone thought possible. When it was all over her friends chided themselves for not urging her to get out sooner.

Her husband gambled all their money away, their children were frightened of him and they had no friends left due to his alienating outbursts. (sound familiar?) After every beating he apologized profusely saying “never again. I promise to get help”. After she forgave him (repeatedly) and expected him to follow through on his promises, he became defiant once again and the cycle continued until one day, he nearly killed her.

How much more defiance, death and destruction must be endured before we seriously start speaking I-m-p-e-a-c-h-m-e-n-t?

BC Columnist Molly Secours is a Nashville writer/filmmaker/speaker and co host on several radio programs at 88.1 WFSK at Fisk. Her 14 minute documentary called “Faces Of TennCare: Putting a Human Face on Tennessee’s Health Care Failure” is being aired on The Documentary Channel daily during the entire month of January. For more information visit mollysecours.com or to see a 30 second clip of the film visit:myspace.com/mollysecours. Click here to contact Ms. Secours.